Another reason for frustration is we are not ready for children but my hormones and my body says differently. My body frustrates me because it is telling me that I need to have children and I crave to have children, to solve the need of being a mother, use the maternal mothering I am given in life. My husband often frustrates me although I know he is right that we are not ready for children, I just wish he that even though he is not ready for children that he would at least say that in the future I would like to have children. But then again he has told me all of this since day one. He is not denying me children because he knows this is what I want most in the world. He doesn't want to raise children in poor conditions, on food stamps and WIC. I don't want that either but the hardest thing is I can't ignore this feeling and I myself am not ready for children. I don't have a job yet and I find myself pining for them and I know in my heart that we will be parents some day but for some God awful reason my body and hormones make me want them NOW. Quite frankly I find it quite disturbing and VERY FRUSTRATING!!!! I know I will have them so why do I put myself through this? It absolutely sucks and I hate it. I want to keep it out of my mind until we are ready as we both can be. I know this: WHEN I AM A MOTHER I WILL MAKE AN ABSOLUTELY INCREDIBLE MOTHER!!!! I WILL BE ONE GREAT MOTHER!!!! I LOVE MY HUSBAND DEARLY SO SO MUCH AND COULD NOT LIVE A DAY WITHOUT HIM EVER! I just want to wait until he is ready to have children and I don't want a hard time conceiving our baby. Everyone tells me that I will be fine but you know for me I think it has to happen for me to believe, how sad is that? I plan to diet so that I am healthy for when the time comes. My body is not incapable of having children so why am I so worried??? I am worried because I am afraid that only I will not have them. Sounds silly doesn't it? Most people tell me I am too young, which ten years ago, that would have never been said. People I ask for words of encouragement, when actually it sounds like I don't believe in myself. Well you know what THIS is going to change. I will set my frustrations on here but I will remain positive!
I need to think positive because people do better that way. EVERYTHING WILL WORK OUT! Everything will work out. Just think POSITIVE Nicole! POSITIVE!
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